Stranger Danger - Ticking Me Off

     I taught my kids to stay away from strangers.  And I'm sure that other parents do the same thing at some point.  I'm sure the "stranger danger" phrase is logged in most people's memories, even if they don't recite it; so why do handfuls of strangers just start talking to my kids?!
     When the cashier scans my daughter's pack of gum and says, "Ohhhh, is this for you?"  That doesn't bother me.  When the greeter at the store says, "Hi" to my son, that doesn't bother me.  When I'm buying bananas and a woman we have never met is buying bananas and for some reason just starts talking to my kids and asking them how old they are, it makes me uncomfortable.  We usually just walk away.
     Every generation goes through the "Don't Talk to Strangers" phase.  People teach their kids, and adolescent relatives not to talk to strangers.  Even if you don't have kids of your own, you have probably had this conversation with a niece or nephew...So why do people spend their childhood trying not to talk to strangers only to become the stranger carrying on the conversation?!
     I imagine myself as one of these people, and I wonder, 'How do they not realize it's weird to strike up a conversation with a child?!'
     What's worse, is when we go somewhere, and some random person thinks my kids are so cute, and then gives them some loose candy!  No matter your age, isn't, "Don't take candy from strangers," a common phrase?  So why be one of those strangers?
    
     If you think my kids or any kid is cute, then compliment his/her parents, "Aww, your son is so handsome."  And be on your way! Don't carry on a conversation with the kid that makes me wonder if you're shopping for a kid to steal!



    

Parents: A United Front

     It seems like in every parental pairing, one person is the authority and the other is the fun.  In my marriage, I was the authority and my husband was the fun. 

On television shows like Everybody Loves Raymond, it's funny when Deb is leaving for the day to do some shopping and tells Ray to supervise the kids as they clean up their rooms.  Ray wants to watch a football game, but if the kids clean their rooms properly, he might miss some of the game, so he tells the kids to just shove everything under their beds and mommy never has to know.  It's funny when Deb comes home and is angry that nothing was done and that Ray belittled her authority.

In reality, when the authoritative parent comes home to see that the fun parent made no attempt to get things done, it shows a lack of strength as a parenting team.  Kids can smell this weakness from miles away. 

I was tired of being the law and order while my husband was Bozo the clown, so we made a change.  This is how the united front works best:

1.  When you're thinking about having kids, make a list of rules and consequences that are important to you.  The reason is because, if both parents are aware of the rules and agree to the consequences, they are BOTH more likely to follow threw as a united front.  For example, I believe in a minute of timeout for every year of age.  I believe in a warning before timeout.  I don't believe in physical punishment.  I believe when timeout isn't enough, revoking t.v. time or playtime can work.  I don't always punish kids for something I didn't see them do. (When the freezer is left open and my son has a fresh red Popsicle mustache and a empty Popsicle stick on the table next to him, I can bet that he did it.  Now, when my daughter cries and says, "Mama, my toy"  And Ryan has the toy, I can't assume that he took it; I can only assume that she wants it.  And when I ask him if he took it, and he says, "No." I know he might be lying and he might not, so I simply say, "If you took it, give it back and say you're sorry.  And in the future, if you take something from her, you will be in trouble."

2.  Discuss what you'd expect your kids to responsible for at what ages.  The reason is so that you'll know when to punish kids for not doing what is expected.  Make sure the expectations are reasonable. It seems silly, but it's important.  I have a friend whose wife expected her kids to be fully potty trained by age 5; that's not realistic.  Many kids wet the bed until age 9.  So when her son wet the bed at age 6, she made him strip off the soiled sheets, scrub his mattress, and gather all his soiled laundry and put it in the washer.  Luckily he didn't have to run the load.  My husband and I feel at age 13 our son should learn how to run a load of laundry from start to finish.  Knowing what you expect of your kids will help you decide punishments and when they fit.  Also, if both parents agree on the expectations, you'll avoid the event where you have to awkwardly voice your disagreement in front of the kids.  When mom says, "You wet, the bed, you clean it up."  And dad replies with, "Well, wait... He's only 5, it's not that big of a deal."  No matter who was right and who was wrong, you've shown your child that you don't agree, and he or she will know who to turn to for the easy way out.

3.  Make a rule and stick to it forever.  A big mistake that parents make is making a rule and then straying from it.  It's easy to make a rule; it's hard sticking to it when your adorable cutie is looking at you with those big beautiful eyes full of love, she's crying and looking at you like you're the only one who can make her stop, and has tears running down those tiny chubby cheeks you used to pinch and kiss.  If that made you, "Aww" then buck up!  Sometimes kids are upset and sometimes they're milking the system.  When they were infants, your nurse or mother may have told you that you'll learn what each cry means.  When they're older it's the same.  Some cries are sharp, loud, and bursting; those are usually the real deal.  Some are whiny, forced, and get worse when they make eye contact with you.  When you have the latter you have a child that is upset, but is forcing the cry to get his or her way.  In this case, you still stick to the rules!  When you have the former, you have a hurt or sincerely heartbroken child and you still stick to the rules, but in this case, you explain the reasoning in more detail.  Never soothe a crying kid with presents, food, or outings.  Your rules are your rules, and if you STICK to the rules, they'll be used to the rules and won't cry when you lay down the law.



This is how we handle our united front and now, we are both the authority and we can both be the fun.

NOTE TO FUN PARENTS:  When you shirk your duties, it's emotionally hurtful to the authoritative parents.

Job vs. Career

It's standard that a job is employment obtained without long-term education; and a career is employment obtained with long-term education.  Many people are more than happy simply having a job; something to get them money for the everyday.  But there is a large number of people that want a career; something that pays more, offers more, and is something they enjoy. 

Take me for example, I love writing and I love graphic design.  I've been involved in both for about 15 years so I am considered self taught, but that doesn't get you very far these days.  I have done some very impressive things with Adobe programs without an education to boot.  Intern selection committees for world wide corporations have loved my work, and have seen me as a potential employee, so why am I unemployed?  Last summer, I was up for an internship with an animated film company and I almost made the cut.  They explained in a letter that they only take on 2 or 3 self taught designers every intern opening.  They were accepting a total of 10 interns 2 of which could be self taught.  In the end I didn't get the job.  In a final letter, they explained I clearly have a passion, and I have amazing skill, but I'd benefit from some schooling to round out my skills. 

So what does one do when the world requires school not skill?  Now, I don't mean to offend anyone with this, but I miss the days when receptionists/medical assistants were hired on skill and personality.  I love my primary care physician; he's a great doctor and I understand him well.  There are two medical assistants in his office and they are both awful women.  They're never in a good mode.  They're rude, impatient and unhelpful.  But their college certificate says they know how to do the job, so they're hired. 

Meanwhile my husband started a new job of which he's not so fond.  He's a skilled trade worker.  No matter where he works, he makes around the same amount of money which is barely enough for our family.  Between his odd work schedule, sleeping and my numerous monthly doctor appointments, we have no time as a family.  He wants to attend college for something computer related.  He's self taught in computer technology, troubleshooting, repairing, and improving, but once again, everywhere he goes wants a degree of some kind.

He'd need a 1 year certificate to get a career he likes, which with his schedule, would take him over a year, which is doable but it's upsetting that people have to go to school to learn to do something they already know how to do.

The only option is to be a freelance _______ whatever you may be.  Think about it, the customer might not care about education if you prove you can do the job.