Rachael Ray Lost the Bubbly

     I was watching The Food Network this afternoon; I watch it whenever I feel stumped for a new recipe.  I caught 30-Minute Meals today and it was a rerun, but it was revealing. 
     In the beginning, Rachael Ray was an overly-bubbly girl-next-door who was like the other Food Network cooks, in that she could cook anything and make it seem easy.  The difference was that she had a personality that was sweet, endearing, friendly, and confident.  Not all of them, but many of the FN chefs have this slightly stuck up personality; it's as if they have a show because they want to show off and not so they can teach the viewer to cook. 
     I loved Rachael Ray a few years ago.  I loved that she was sweet, she loved to cook, and it seemed like she wanted others to cook as well as she could.  I thought that perhaps the reason she was more fun to watch, was because she wasn't an actual chef.  She never went to culinary school and can credit everything she knows, to good ol' family cooking. 
     However, I have noticed, most notebly today that she has changed.  She used to be all smiles on 30-Minute Meals and the rest of her shows.  She even used to giggle a bit.  There'd be some jokes and goofs to keep it all light and fun. 
     As I am typing this, as I am watching Rachael Ray's Week in a Day "Make it Work" episode.  I am 7 minutes in and I haven't seen her smile once.  She did say "delicious" in a tone that seemed like a throwback to Rachael Ray of 2003.  Before this episode went to commercial, she threw some pasta in the water and I thought I saw a grin, but not the trademark RR ear-to-ear-love-to-cook-smile.  When we came back from commercial, she still hadn't smiled.  She cooked away, got a little something in her hair, and we went to commercial again smile free.  And I'm sure that little something will be magically gone when the commercial break is over.
     I think she has just become too big and it's taking its toll on her; there's so much responsibility that it's no longer fun.  She has multiple cooking shows, she has a talk show that I'm sure wears her thin (She smiles on the talk show, but there is a live audience).  She has a magazine that she's on the cover of every month, so photo shoots.  She has an entire line of kitchen essentials, which uses up her time as well.  Not to mention, she has a world of cookbooks; $40 dollars/day cooking, 30-Minute Meals, 60-Minute Meals, cooking for kids, light cooking, veggie cooking, burgers, cooking for a crowd, cooking for kids, 365 days a year cooking, easy cooking, desserts, and a biography.  There may be more out there.  She is also the spooksman for various things.  Nabisco needs those smiles too.
(To Update: we are 32 minutes into Week in a Day, and she grinned and giggled for only a moment)

     No matter who you are, once you get too famous, there's no room to enjoy what you're doing anymore.  But hats off to RR for keeping it all going.  While she's not fun to watch anymore in my opinion, the food still sounds wonderful!

I just wish that she hadn't lost the bubbly...

Stranger Danger - Ticking Me Off

     I taught my kids to stay away from strangers.  And I'm sure that other parents do the same thing at some point.  I'm sure the "stranger danger" phrase is logged in most people's memories, even if they don't recite it; so why do handfuls of strangers just start talking to my kids?!
     When the cashier scans my daughter's pack of gum and says, "Ohhhh, is this for you?"  That doesn't bother me.  When the greeter at the store says, "Hi" to my son, that doesn't bother me.  When I'm buying bananas and a woman we have never met is buying bananas and for some reason just starts talking to my kids and asking them how old they are, it makes me uncomfortable.  We usually just walk away.
     Every generation goes through the "Don't Talk to Strangers" phase.  People teach their kids, and adolescent relatives not to talk to strangers.  Even if you don't have kids of your own, you have probably had this conversation with a niece or nephew...So why do people spend their childhood trying not to talk to strangers only to become the stranger carrying on the conversation?!
     I imagine myself as one of these people, and I wonder, 'How do they not realize it's weird to strike up a conversation with a child?!'
     What's worse, is when we go somewhere, and some random person thinks my kids are so cute, and then gives them some loose candy!  No matter your age, isn't, "Don't take candy from strangers," a common phrase?  So why be one of those strangers?
    
     If you think my kids or any kid is cute, then compliment his/her parents, "Aww, your son is so handsome."  And be on your way! Don't carry on a conversation with the kid that makes me wonder if you're shopping for a kid to steal!



    

Parents: A United Front

     It seems like in every parental pairing, one person is the authority and the other is the fun.  In my marriage, I was the authority and my husband was the fun. 

On television shows like Everybody Loves Raymond, it's funny when Deb is leaving for the day to do some shopping and tells Ray to supervise the kids as they clean up their rooms.  Ray wants to watch a football game, but if the kids clean their rooms properly, he might miss some of the game, so he tells the kids to just shove everything under their beds and mommy never has to know.  It's funny when Deb comes home and is angry that nothing was done and that Ray belittled her authority.

In reality, when the authoritative parent comes home to see that the fun parent made no attempt to get things done, it shows a lack of strength as a parenting team.  Kids can smell this weakness from miles away. 

I was tired of being the law and order while my husband was Bozo the clown, so we made a change.  This is how the united front works best:

1.  When you're thinking about having kids, make a list of rules and consequences that are important to you.  The reason is because, if both parents are aware of the rules and agree to the consequences, they are BOTH more likely to follow threw as a united front.  For example, I believe in a minute of timeout for every year of age.  I believe in a warning before timeout.  I don't believe in physical punishment.  I believe when timeout isn't enough, revoking t.v. time or playtime can work.  I don't always punish kids for something I didn't see them do. (When the freezer is left open and my son has a fresh red Popsicle mustache and a empty Popsicle stick on the table next to him, I can bet that he did it.  Now, when my daughter cries and says, "Mama, my toy"  And Ryan has the toy, I can't assume that he took it; I can only assume that she wants it.  And when I ask him if he took it, and he says, "No." I know he might be lying and he might not, so I simply say, "If you took it, give it back and say you're sorry.  And in the future, if you take something from her, you will be in trouble."

2.  Discuss what you'd expect your kids to responsible for at what ages.  The reason is so that you'll know when to punish kids for not doing what is expected.  Make sure the expectations are reasonable. It seems silly, but it's important.  I have a friend whose wife expected her kids to be fully potty trained by age 5; that's not realistic.  Many kids wet the bed until age 9.  So when her son wet the bed at age 6, she made him strip off the soiled sheets, scrub his mattress, and gather all his soiled laundry and put it in the washer.  Luckily he didn't have to run the load.  My husband and I feel at age 13 our son should learn how to run a load of laundry from start to finish.  Knowing what you expect of your kids will help you decide punishments and when they fit.  Also, if both parents agree on the expectations, you'll avoid the event where you have to awkwardly voice your disagreement in front of the kids.  When mom says, "You wet, the bed, you clean it up."  And dad replies with, "Well, wait... He's only 5, it's not that big of a deal."  No matter who was right and who was wrong, you've shown your child that you don't agree, and he or she will know who to turn to for the easy way out.

3.  Make a rule and stick to it forever.  A big mistake that parents make is making a rule and then straying from it.  It's easy to make a rule; it's hard sticking to it when your adorable cutie is looking at you with those big beautiful eyes full of love, she's crying and looking at you like you're the only one who can make her stop, and has tears running down those tiny chubby cheeks you used to pinch and kiss.  If that made you, "Aww" then buck up!  Sometimes kids are upset and sometimes they're milking the system.  When they were infants, your nurse or mother may have told you that you'll learn what each cry means.  When they're older it's the same.  Some cries are sharp, loud, and bursting; those are usually the real deal.  Some are whiny, forced, and get worse when they make eye contact with you.  When you have the latter you have a child that is upset, but is forcing the cry to get his or her way.  In this case, you still stick to the rules!  When you have the former, you have a hurt or sincerely heartbroken child and you still stick to the rules, but in this case, you explain the reasoning in more detail.  Never soothe a crying kid with presents, food, or outings.  Your rules are your rules, and if you STICK to the rules, they'll be used to the rules and won't cry when you lay down the law.



This is how we handle our united front and now, we are both the authority and we can both be the fun.

NOTE TO FUN PARENTS:  When you shirk your duties, it's emotionally hurtful to the authoritative parents.

Job vs. Career

It's standard that a job is employment obtained without long-term education; and a career is employment obtained with long-term education.  Many people are more than happy simply having a job; something to get them money for the everyday.  But there is a large number of people that want a career; something that pays more, offers more, and is something they enjoy. 

Take me for example, I love writing and I love graphic design.  I've been involved in both for about 15 years so I am considered self taught, but that doesn't get you very far these days.  I have done some very impressive things with Adobe programs without an education to boot.  Intern selection committees for world wide corporations have loved my work, and have seen me as a potential employee, so why am I unemployed?  Last summer, I was up for an internship with an animated film company and I almost made the cut.  They explained in a letter that they only take on 2 or 3 self taught designers every intern opening.  They were accepting a total of 10 interns 2 of which could be self taught.  In the end I didn't get the job.  In a final letter, they explained I clearly have a passion, and I have amazing skill, but I'd benefit from some schooling to round out my skills. 

So what does one do when the world requires school not skill?  Now, I don't mean to offend anyone with this, but I miss the days when receptionists/medical assistants were hired on skill and personality.  I love my primary care physician; he's a great doctor and I understand him well.  There are two medical assistants in his office and they are both awful women.  They're never in a good mode.  They're rude, impatient and unhelpful.  But their college certificate says they know how to do the job, so they're hired. 

Meanwhile my husband started a new job of which he's not so fond.  He's a skilled trade worker.  No matter where he works, he makes around the same amount of money which is barely enough for our family.  Between his odd work schedule, sleeping and my numerous monthly doctor appointments, we have no time as a family.  He wants to attend college for something computer related.  He's self taught in computer technology, troubleshooting, repairing, and improving, but once again, everywhere he goes wants a degree of some kind.

He'd need a 1 year certificate to get a career he likes, which with his schedule, would take him over a year, which is doable but it's upsetting that people have to go to school to learn to do something they already know how to do.

The only option is to be a freelance _______ whatever you may be.  Think about it, the customer might not care about education if you prove you can do the job.

Young/Teen Parent Stereotype

I consider a young parent to be between the ages of 15 and 21.  There are many stereotypes for parents of this age.  The biggest stereotype is that parents this age aren't mature enough to understand how to care for a child.  I had my son when I was 16.  His father and I got married and were living on our own when we were 17.  We are both 23 now, this year marks our 6th year of marriage and our 8th year together, our son is almost 7 and our daughter is almost 3.  We're told by so many people that our children are so well behaved and that we're wonderful parents, so from where does this stereotype come?

I began thinking about this in recent years.  My oldest brother is 33 years old.  He is married and his only son is 1.5 years old.  My second brother is almost 32 and he is married and his only son is 6 weeks old.  My sister is 30 and she is about 22 weeks along with her first child.

They have all called me from time to time, asking me questions about feeding, and parenting, and dying for tips to help them along.  My oldest brother asked me how I felt the difference between false labor and true labor.  I explained that in true labor, you can feel the uterus contract from outside the body if you rest your hand on the top.  I learned this in my experience with pregnancy.  My second brother wanted to know when he could expect to get some sleep; a rookie question.  My sister has delusions that her daughter is going to be treated like a princess, but not spoiled.

It's not age that makes a person suitable to be a parent, it's maturity.  When I was 15, I was skipping school, sneaking into movies, lying to my parents about where I was.  When I found out I was pregnant, I buckled down in school, I got a job, I sprang into maturity because I needed to.  I no longer saw my friends as good company, because their behavior wasn't consistent with mine. 

There are thirty-somethings that never mature.  I went shopping with my mother the other day, and there was a thirty-something woman shopping with her son who looked about 3 years old.  She was picking out some pants for him to try on, and was letting him play with a few toys nearby.  As children do, he found something he had to have, and wanted to carry it around.  She wanted him to put it back and join her in the fitting room, but rather than ask him calmly, she immediately yelled, "Put the damn car down, get in here and try on this pants, we don't have all day!"  In the fitting room, I could hear him, "I can't unbutton my pants mommy."  "Well, you better learn it now, because you're wasting my time."  She obviously wasn't mature enough to be a parent.  He's far too young to be frustrated with.  I can understand being upset with a teenager, who has a concept of time, is old enough to try clothes, but is wasting time; but a 3 year old deserves patience. 

It is true that many teens aren't good parents, but many adults aren't better either.  Now, even though I had a child at 16, doesn't mean I encourage it.  The point of this post is to explain that maturity doesn't always come with age.  The next time you judge a teen parent before you know them, think of all the adult women that are imprisoned because they hurt their kids.